Week 8: Unicorn
“I fucking hate Unicorn’s!” Erin screams out as she blasts yet
another one with her flamethrower.
“These fucking beasts! Why can’t they just go back to their
fucking island?”
Gabriel had just finished blasting another unicorn of his own when
he looked at Erin and started laughing.
“A hey Erin, you got a little something on you.”
Erin looks at her arm.
“SON OF BITCH, fucking rainbow blood again. These fuckers can
explode! You would think I would know better after five years, but NOOOOOO I
keep getting sprayed like an amateur.”
“Ya, who would have known that five years after discovering
Unicorn Island, we would be fighting these vicious creatures with flame
throwers. FOREVER! Guess that mythical lucky charm legend was bullshit. Wish
someone would have left us a note or something. Fucking ancestors and shit. Oh
let’s banish these creatures to an island and not tell anyone, what could
possibly go wrong?”
Erin snorts.
“Ya, like no one will ever discover this in the future and mess
with it. They will know Unicorns are bad MMMKKKAAAYYY!”
Just then the familiar scream of a charging unicorn comes at them.
“I got it!” Gabriel yells out. And fires off his flame thrower, as
soon as the flames hit the unicorn explodes.
“Jeeze these fuckers are coming out of the woodwork. Also would
have been helpful to know they multiply like rabbits!”
“Fourscore and a million years ago, we placed these rapidly
multiplying pieces of majestic nightmare on this island to protect humanity!
Would have been a nice note to leave so that one day a scientist wouldn’t
discover the island and go all Jurassic park on us.” Erin declared with her
thrower in the air and leg on a rock.
“Ya, that was a good movie, at least you expect that from
dinosaurs. Not magical creatures everyone thought were good luck. Fucking
scientists can’t leave anything alone.” Smirked Gabriel
“Well at least we discovered what kills them. FIRE!!!” Erin beamed
as she sighted up another.
Gabriel and I are assigned wall duty today as part of what is left
of civilization. Giant cement walls were built around major cities across
the globe to protect what was left of life as we know it. Unicorns couldn’t
fly, but they could jump pretty high. They were vicious, vial, mean creatures
who were hell bent on wiping out humanity. No one understood how they got to
the island, or why lore always had them as being lucky. They were organized
too, which made fighting them a daily chore. I guess being banished to an
island for God only knows how long gave them plenty of time to plan world
domination. They are hell bent on eradicating humans from the planet.
Each shift spends the majority of the time wiping them out, but
they multiply so rapidly it’s a never ending job. “Science” is working on a way
to end the breeding, but it’s taking time. So we sit out here armed with flames
trying to eradicate the unicorn invasion. We have been on this tour for about
four months, only two months left before a month of well-deserved leave. And I
can’t wait to spend some time doing non flame related things. Or having rainbow
unicorn blood all over me. You’d think it would be good for your skin or
something but NNNNOOOOO we have to wear hazmat suits. Fucking awesome.
“What are you going to do on your leave?” Erin askes Gabriel as
she takes out another unicorn.
“Me, man I’m going to sit on the roof of my building with
headphones on, a kiddie pool of water, and a large pitcher of mead and forget
about fucking unicorns for at least a week.” Gabriel exclaims!
Fitting for a man named Gabriel to expel mythical creatures from
the earth. If only we could figure out some sort of poison or something to wipe
them out.
“Fuck here comes like 10 of them!” Gabriel exclaims as a herd of
unicorn have decided to take out the two guards.
Erin lite up the wall! You see, they built a wall of flame
throwers about 10 feet from the cement wall just for times like these. It’s
actually a pretty spectacular sight. Flames and then rainbows! A juxtaposition
of color, myth, legend, and reality. It could almost be considered beautiful.
Like fireworks on the 4th of July. Erin smiled at the thought.
“That wall is the most awesome thing EVER invented!” Erin says
with a demon like tone.
“Ya, if it weren’t for that our hides would have been unicorn
food.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure they’d spit your nasty ass out!” Erin
elbowed Gabriel laughing.
“It’s good to not be delicious!!!” Gabriel elbows back.
And the two share a smile, before the next wave of attacks begin.
Week
18: Strategy
“LOOK OUT!!!” Gabriel screams just as Erin ducks below the stream
of rainbow blood from yet another Unicorn attack.
“GOT IT!” Erin yells back as she turns slightly to her right to
aim her flame thrower at another stampede.
“This is getting ridiculous.” She mutters. “They are becoming more
organized, it’s like they are thinking with the same brain. How the hell are we
supposed to stop this?”
Shrugging his shoulder Gabriel throws more flames down the field.
“I don’t know Erin, but I think we need more people on shift. I guess our
vacation time will have to wait a little longer. We should probably recall
everyone and come up with a better plan.”
“Have the scientist’s come up with anything?” Erin askes
exasperated.
“Nothing I’ve heard of yet. I thought they were trying to find
something to spray in the air to prevent them from multiplying so fast.”
“I hope it’s soon, gear up, we have another stampede coming!”
A distress call comes through their coms.
Skish “Bravo team, bravo team, we need assistance to the south
gate. Too many for just the two of us. Can you spare a hunter?”
“Spare? Are they crazy? We are barely holding it together out
here!” Erin says
“That’s a negative Alpha team, we are being stampeded as we
speak.” Gabriel calls out over the com.
“Roger Bravo. Eagle eye, Eagle eye, have any reserves you can send
to help secure the gates? It’s getting dicey out here.”
“Roger Alpha, deploying more troops to the gates. ETA 20 minutes.
Prepare for the wall of fire. Eagle eye out.”
“More troops?” Erin asks
“Wow, that’s a first!” Gabriel remarks
Just then the familiar sound of the air attack sirens goes off.
Erin and Gabriel run for shelter. As the wall explodes in fire, you can hear
the violent screams of the unicorns as they are incinerated. Rainbow blood
explodes all around them. It’s both beautiful and haunting at the same time.
The wall of fire stops, and they get up access the damage.
“God I love that wall!?” Erin exclaims as the gate opens and
expels two more troops.
“Hey Walter, how’s it hanging bro?” Gabriel reaches his gloved
hand to shake Walter’s.
“Low and to the left my man, low and to the left. Heard you
pussies needed some help!” Walter grinned out.
“Fuck you man, we were holding are own, it was Alpha team that
called the distress in. Erin and I are kicking ass and taking names!”
Mavis pops her head around Walter. “Hey guys, can we save the
‘whose dick is bigger contest’ for later. We got work to do. We need to come up
with a plan right Erin! Girl power plan!”
Erin laughs’ “If only their dicks shot fire, we’d be in good
shape!”
“Hey ladies, you can’t handle all the man under this suit!” Walter
pointing to his crotchal area.
“Ya, Ya, whatever, can we get back to the whole Unicorns trying to
kill us part of our lives, I’d like to take a vacation this year.” Erin says
exasperated.
“I heard the planes gearing up, which was odd considering we
haven’t really been able to fly them too much, I wonder if they figured out the
formula to stop the reproduction rate?” Mavis states.
Skish, “All units, all units, take cover and retreat to bunkers,
prepare for wall of fire.”
“That’s odd, two times in a row?” Gabriel wondered out loud and
scrambled for cover.
The sirens go off as they get into their positions, and then the
hear the planes overhead.
“Huh, running the flames to provide cover for the planes? I wonder
if they came up with a solution, or are testing something.” Erin wonders aloud.
“I guess we’ll find out soon enough.” Says Mavis
As the flames subside, and the planes move out of sight, the four
hunters hunker down for the next fight.
